i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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