she woke up with a sticky ear
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will be naked everywhere
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
