so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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