talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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