ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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