if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
