I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
