i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My ass is underappreciated
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize