it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
