A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
