That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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