Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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