white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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