Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
