oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
