Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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