Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
