How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
