Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
