Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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