I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
