Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
