It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
