OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
