She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
bring money and cleavage
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
