New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
