My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize