Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
