it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want to fling myself into the sun
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
