If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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