hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize