she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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