We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
