Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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