you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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