My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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