Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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