so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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