I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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