He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
