Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
