theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
