this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
