I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
