pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
