He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
