i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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