when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
