All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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