Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
