mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
