You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
time to smoke my breakfast
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
