the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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