I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
