so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
