just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
