Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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