nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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