You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
