Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
