mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
