things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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