if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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